Main Street – February 19, 2009

Roger Allen, publisher

How deep?

As of the other day more than 99 inches of snow had fallen locally and it’s only the middle of February. Eight feet of snow – it’s not a record but it seems like enough for one year. No wonder Florida attracts so many Michigan snow birds.


One day after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, “You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?’

“Well,” said the guy, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”

“That’s a pretty big decision,” the doctor replied. “Have you talked about it with your family?”

“Yeah, and they’re in favor, 15 to 2.

Not yet

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman gives birth. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of the family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65-year-old mother says, “Not yet.”

They sip their coffee, and a little later the visitors ask again to meet the baby and the mother says, “Not yet.”

Finally one of the relatives asks, “Well! When CAN we see the baby?”

The mother says, “When it cries.”

“Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”

“I forgot where I put it.”

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The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.