“Where’s my paper?”
Your hometown weekly newspaper (that’s us) is NOT going broke or cutting publication. Sure, the rotten economy presents us with the same kind of problems as everyone else, but we’re solvent and determined.
Over the years, newspapers have faced big changes. Mark Twain once set type for a paper. It was done by hand, one letter at a time, backwards. This process was replaced in the late nineteenth century by the faster linotype – a machine that cast a whole line at a time in hot lead. Manual typesetters, of course, were out of work. A more efficient photographic system then became standard. When computerized printing came along, linotype operators and hot lead became history.
Now, the changes affecting newspapers are radio, television, and the Internet. Advertisers have more choices and the Internet is economical. We who remain in print will have to live with reality. In recent years, advertisers have paid for free-distribution papers, such as this one. We may have to start charging readers again. That’s the way it worked for this paper for more than 100 years.
The local weekly paper is still an advertising bargain for local merchants. It’s also the only source of much of our local news. We think our paper helps hold the community together. That’s what we do. And we’re going to keep on doing it.
Helium was up.
Feathers were down.
Paper was stationery.
Knives were up sharply.
Pencils lost a few points.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Light switches were off.
The market for raisins dried up.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Caterpillars inched up.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
Teacher: Maria, please go to the map and point to North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile”?
Teacher: No, that’s wrong.
Glenn: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
Teacher: Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, ma’am, it’s the same dog.
Teacher: The story goes that George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Louis: Because George still had the axe in his hand?