Main Street

Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher

Constantly confusing

We’ve just enjoyed another Easter event with church services, goody baskets, and Easter egg hunts. We’re also enjoying some pretty nice weather compared with the last couple of months. Originally, Easter was a celebration of spring, although in these parts spring weather sometimes lags behind.

At least we know the official date of spring’s arrival: the Earth moves, the seasons change. The date of Easter is elusive. If you can’t keep track, blame your confusion on Emperor Constantine. It was he who decreed that “Easter shall be celebrated on the first Sunday that occurs after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox.”

Watch out, though. The “full moon” in the rule is the ecclesiastical full moon, which is defined as the fourteenth day of a tabular lunation, where day one corresponds to the ecclesiastical New Moon. It doesn’t always occur on the same date as the astronomical full moon.

The ecclesiastical “vernal equinox” is always on March 21. Therefore, Easter must be celebrated on a Sunday between the dates of March 22 and April 25.

Now you know everything about the date Easter falls on. You probably won’t even have to consult a calendar in the future. However, if you have any continuing confusion about when it will be Easter, watch for a pink bunny carrying eggs.

Mysteriously transmitted

Two guys are out hunting in the woods, and as they’re walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by its size.

The first hunter says, “Wow, that’s some hole. I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is.”

The second hunter says, “I don’t know. Let’s throw something down there and listen to see how long it takes to hit bottom.”

The first hunter says, “I see an old transmission over here. Give me a hand and we’ll throw it in.”

So they pick up the transmission, carry it over, count one and two and three, and throw it in the hole. They’re standing there listening and looking over the edge when they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole, and with no hesitation jump in headfirst.

While they’re standing there looking at each other and into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. “Say there,” says the farmer, “you fellers didn’t happen to see my goat around here anyplace, did you?”

The first hunter says, “Funny you should ask. We were just standing here a minute ago when a goat came running out of the bushes doin’ about a hunnert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!”

     “Why, that’s impossible,” says the old farmer. “I had him chained to a transmission.”

About Squire News

The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.
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