Main Street-April 23, 2009

Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher

Barbary Pirates

For almost 1,000 years years, until the early nineteenth century, Islamic pirates from North Africa raided shipping vessels in the Mediterranean Sea and Atlantic Ocean. They also destroyed villages and towns along the coasts, making some of them nearly uninhabitable. They took prisoners and sold many of them into slavery. Some accounts claim that more than a million people were taken as slaves.

     Eventually, Europe and, finally, America, had had enough. The U.S. refused to continue to pay ransom for ships and crews and sent the Navy to attack the pirates, shelling the city of Tripoli. The combined pressure reduced piracy and eventually solved the problem.

Wall Street Pirates

     Now we have the Wall Street Pirates who got a bailout to allow our banking system to operate again. We paid them billions but don’t know who got a lot of it, or why. Although they accepted the money, we still have little credit available and a sick stock market. We paid the ransom; why can’t we get back to business?

The economy is so bad…

1. CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

2. Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

3. McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 Ouncer.

4. People in rich neighborhoods have fired their nannies
and learned their children’s names.

5. A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.  

6. Jury duty pay is now a step up for millions of people.

7. Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

8. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, “Finish your plate, do you know how many kids are starving in the US?”

9. Motel Six won’t leave the light on.

You can’t win #1

     The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

     How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

You can’t win #2

     A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his cigarettes.

     In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself. He got out his hammer and flattened the hump.

     As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. “Here,” she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. “I found them in the hallway. Now,” she said, “if only I could find my parakeet.”

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