Main Street – May 14, 2009

Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher

Fixing the glitch    

We are a capitalist country. If a family opens a little shop and invests all their money in it, hoping to make a living, what happens if it fails?  The owners go broke and out of business, right?  That’s the way it’s always been, and still is, around here.

A different system applies to Wall Street and the credit industry. If they go out on a limb hoping to make $millions, and they don’t do it right, we give them a few $billion to stay in business.

Why the difference? It’s because they are “too big to fail,” meaning if they go down they take the rest of us with them. That glitch in capitalism is fixable by adopting the right regulations so Big Business can’t risk the financial health of the whole nation.

Those big tax-funded bonuses for failed executives should light a fire under all of us taxpayers, whatever our politics. We need to demand that Congress reinstate the regulations that will keep this financial meltdown from happening again.

Notice: will tell jokes for food. Call the Squire.

Fixing the flu

Our H1N1 flu pandemic seems to have fizzled. At least, for the time being. But let’s not get too comfortable about it: keep washing your hands and don’t skip your flu shot this fall. Even though the “pandemic” seems below average, we should follow the Boy Scout motto and “Be Prepared.”

This is a Public Service announcement, brought to you FREE, no taxpayer money needed.

Fixing the urge

If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked, you should sniff some Windex.

     It’ll keep you from streaking.

Free joke

A young woman brings her potential fiancé to meet the parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites him to the study for a drink.

“So what are your plans?” the father asks. “I am a Torah scholar,” says the young man. “A Torah scholar. Hmm,” says the father. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?” “I will study,” the young man replies, “and God will provide for us.” “And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring such as she deserves?” asks the father. “I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “and God will provide for us.”  “What about children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?” “Don’t worry, sir, God will provide.”

Later the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?”

“Well,” says the father, “he has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.”

What?

I called the “Incontinence Hot Line.”  They said, “Can you hold, please?”

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