Main Street – May 28, 2009

Roger Allen, publisher.

Roger Allen, publisher.

Spell that?

It’s good to keep up on what’s happening in the world. Personally, however, I avoid reading news stories out loud. Hard-to-pronounce foreign names seem to pop up in every paragraph: Binyamin Netanyahu, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Hu Jintao, Atal Bihari Vajpayee, Hosni Mubarak, Barack Obama…. Scratch that last one. He’s one of ours. And isn’t it amazing how quickly “President Obama” has come to sound perfectly ordinary?

Remembering #1

Memorial Day, the last Monday of May, is a holiday created to honor those who died in service to their country. It was first observed just after the Civil War and was called Decoration Day. At first it was used as a remembrance for Union soldiers only, but has expanded to include those from all services and wars. Many Americans also use Memorial Day to honor others who have died.

Memorial Day used to be set for May 30. The date was changed in 1968 so Congress could have another three-day weekend.

This year Memorial Day fell on the earliest May date possible. Which is why I got confused and forgot when it was and you’re reading this item a week late.

Remembering #2

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father.

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that’s your pa.”

Definitions

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

…and MY Personal Favorite:

WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

About Squire News
The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.

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