Main Street, by Roger Allen publisher – June 11, 2009

Roger Allen, publisher.

Roger Allen, publisher.


Those of us who lived through WWII know June 6, 1944, was the day we started to feel that victory really was ahead of us. There was a lot of bad news stretching from Dec. 7, 1941, to this date. We lost ground in Africa, France, and the South Pacific. Nazi submarines were sinking our ships everywhere, including off the coast of New Jersey. Those were grim times but on this date we pushed back, big time. The casualties were horrific, but those Americans didn’t die in vain. We won, and fascism lost.

The single life

Two bachelors, Larry and Frank, went out to dinner. The conversation drifted from office to sports to politics and then to cooking. “I got a cook book once,” said Larry, “but I couldn’t do anything with it.” “Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank. “You said it,” Larry replied. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: ‘Take a clean plate…’ ”

Shrewd plan

The State wants to turn loose about 4,000 prison inmates to save money. They say it costs $32,000 a year to keep each one in prison. Hey! How about I take a couple and tie them to a tree in my back yard? I’d do this cheap-only $20,000 a year, maybe. That saves the State $24,000 and gives me $40,000. That’s more than I ever got at the paper and all I have to do is sit and watch them all day. Sure, I’d have to rent a Porta-potty and make some oatmeal and macaroni and cheese a couple times a day, but I’ve got the time for it. I guess I’d have to give them umbrellas in the summer and warm coats and quilts in the winter, but that’s about it. Seems like a win-win deal to me. Since the State is willing to let them go, they couldn’t be actually dangerous.

Living in 2009

  1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
 2.  You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

 3.  You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your
       family of three.

 4.  You e-mail the person who’s working at the desk
       next to you.

 5.  Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and
       family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

 6. You pull into your own driveway and use your cell
     phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry
     in the groceries.

 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at
       the bottom of the screen.

 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which
      you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of
      your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn
     around to go get it.

 9. You get up in the morning and go on line before
      having coffee.

10. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.  : )

11. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

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The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.