Main Street – by Roger Allen publisher

Roger Allen, publisher.

Roger Allen, publisher.

Closing down

As head of the Amelia Earhart Welcome Committee, I am disbanding the group. Amelia has not been heard from since July 1937. That’s 72 years this month. During her flying career, she established records and received many awards, but apparently she did not complete her flight across the Pacific Ocean. Frankly, I don’t think we should expect her.

The snacks are spoiled and the ice has melted. We’re closing down.

“Your call is very important…

 …to us. Please hold for the next available representative.”

You’ve heard this a million times. A major offender is the phone company itself. You listen to layers of menus, punch a lot of buttons, and then you wait some more. I’m also not pleased with the Michigan Secretary of State’s office. Recently it had me on hold for 18 minutes for a one-minute question.

If our calls are all that “important” to these outfits, why don’t they hire somebody to answer the phone?

What with Amelia not showing up and all this telephone aggravation, I think I’m getting crotchety.

Speaking of crotchety

A man left work one Friday afternoon, payday. Instead of going home, he stayed out the whole weekend, partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally got home Sunday night, his angry wife berated him for nearly two hours. Finally she halted the tirade and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

To which he replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough so that he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Kids’ point of view

A parent’s report: “I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I mentally reeled from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!'”

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “It’s the pastor, Mommy,” the child called to her mother. Then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

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The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.