Main Street by Roger Allen publisher

 

Roger Allen, publisher.

Roger Allen, publisher.

Dog Days

This poem comes from seventh-grader Lauren Pratt in Rockford. “The dog days of summer” seem like the right time for it.

Jagger

We got him in a little town called Bath.
He would walk down a little path.
I taught him how to shake.
We made him birthday cakes.

If he could talk then he’d bug us,
Till we took him for a walk.
I know I’m being a bragger,
But he’s just a tail wagger.
I love my dog Jagger.

According to The Book of Common Prayer (1552), the dog days are from July 6 to August 17. They’re named after the Dog Star, Sirius, which used to rise at sunrise. The story was that these days were evil and caused the seas to boil. That’s hot, alright.

Another dog

“I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the shopping center and rolled down the car window to make sure my Labrador retriever pup had fresh air.

“She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress on her that she must remain there.

“I walked to the curb backwards, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, ‘Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!’ The driver of a nearby car gave me a strange look and said, ‘Why don’t you just put it in Park?’” (Thanks to Carol Dionne.)

Why women prefer dogs

1. Dogs go to the beach to swim, not for the chance to ogle girls in bikinis.

2. A dog is a pack animal. A man is a six-pack animal.

3. You can train a dog in obedience.

4. A man will roll over and play dead only if you ask him to get up and make coffee.

Last dog

Who’s your best friend? Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, see which one is really happy to see you.

Late Bullet-in

A recent news story reported on a church pastor who was urging the congregation to bring guns to church. If you’re in that church and the pastor says, “Let us pray,” you better start!

In Colorado, a legislator was promoting a law making it legal to bring a gun to a bar or saloon. A local barkeeper said he was thinking of opening a funeral parlor.

In Missouri, a truck dealer offered a free AK-47 to anybody who buys a new truck.

It’s a slippery slope. How long before kids routinely bring guns to high school? But we definitely have to keep them out of preschool. Those kids are too little to properly aim heavy weapons.

About Squire News
The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.

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