Main Street by Roger Allen publisher

 

Roger Allen, publisher.

Roger Allen, publisher.

LUST

Not as interesting as it sounds when it comes to the state budget. It stands for Leaking Underground Storage Tanks.

In decades past, it seemed as though a small gas station stood on nearly every corner, sometimes just a pump or two in front of a neighborhood grocery store. The stations are mostly gone, but the big tanks buried beneath them remain. Over the years these tanks spring leaks and the gas or kerosene seeps into the ground.

Michigan is third in the nation for LUST. Unused industrial sites add to our total.

Time to dig up those leaky tanks. Contamination of ground water is the big concern. We can’t move to Mars, so we better take care of this planet.

Federal stimulus money is helping fund the clean-up, but Michigan is responsible for a portion of the cost. And new LUST sites in the state are discovered every year.

Disgust

The $860 billion military spending bill contains 1,100 earmarks—laws that wouldn’t pass separately but can ride along on the main one. Congressmen trade their votes for the main bill for votes for their pet earmarks. Some earmarks attached to the military bill are for things the military doesn’t even want.

Sometimes it seems like our elected lawmakers work for their own good, not ours. Congress gets to vote on its own salaries, benefits, health care, and ethics. But, at this writing, the U.S. is still the only developed western country without universal health insurance.

It’s downright disgusting.

Job Joke #1

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy. An applicant showed up.

“Okay,” said the sheriff, “You’ll have to take our test. What’s one and one?”

“Eleven,” replied the man.

The sheriff figured that, in a way, the guy was right.

“Next question,” said the sheriff. “What two days of the week start with the letter T?”

“Today and tomorrow.”

Again the sheriff was surprised that the applicant had supplied a creative answer that he himself hadn’t thought of.

“Now, listen carefully. Last question: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

The man thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?” said the sheriff.

So the guy wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. He came in the door, all smiles. “It went great!” he said. “First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

Job Joke #2

A man was applying for a job as a prison guard. The warden said, “Now, these are real tough guys in here. Do you think you can handle it?”

“No problem,” the applicant replied. “If they don’t behave, out they go!”

Wise Observation #1

If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.

Wise Observation #2

Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.

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