Main Street by Roger Allen Publisher – September 3, 2009

Roger Allen, publisher.

Roger Allen, publisher.

Saving money

These may not be the most popular ideas I’ve proposed but I think they are worth discussion. Maybe, after we get through the health insurance problem, we can talk about them.

The war in Iraq was a pretty bad idea, but it looks like we can get out of it now. We are heavily invested in Afghanistan and maybe that is not such a good idea. We seem to be in the middle of a religious war. We’ve lost more Americans in those wars than we did in the World Trade Centers. And then we have Pakistan, Somalia, and an unending stream of nasty governments. We could sure save a lot of money if we came home.

The war on drugs is certainly not going well, either. We are spending millions to stop drugs coming into the country and it doesn’t work. We should legalize drugs, tax them, and spend our money helping educate and cure addicts.

Wow, I’m going to be in trouble!

The lighter side

CREATIVE PUNS FOR “EDUCATED MINDS”

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Zachary, age 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”

About Squire News

The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.
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