Main Street — by Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher.

Roger Allen, publisher.


Most men in this country shave their face every day, all their lives. We use that foamy white stuff that’s intended to make it easier. What it really does is tell you where you are in the process and if you’ve missed a spot. Boring!

Women concentrate on the hair on their heads: washing, drying, coloring, curling, bleaching, lord knows what else. Expensive!

(This kind of philosophical musing goes through my mind while I’m shaving.)

Down to the wire

Shaving also gives me time to think about the health care debate. Seems like it’s been going on forever. Looks like pretty soon Congress will vote on it and we’ll see what came out of the battles. Any improvement over the present inefficient system will be welcome.

Those with no insurance at all are especially eager. If Republican Olympia Snow votes “yes” for health care reform, let’s make the Maine lobster the national bird.

Family feeling #1

An armed and hooded robber bursts into the Texas Bank and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. As the bad guy is on his way out the door, a brave customer grabs the hood and pulls it off, revealing the robber’s face. The robber shoots this brave Texan without hesitation.

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber shoots him, too. By now, everyone is very scared and looking at the floor. The robber snarls, “Did anyone else see my face?”

A few moments of silence—then an old man, still looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, “I think my wife may have caught a glimpse of you.”

Family feeling #2

The newlywed wife says to her husband when he returns from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon we’re going to have three in this house instead of two.”

With a smile on his face and delight in his eyes, the husband runs to her. He’s glowing with happiness and kissing his wife when she says, “I’m so glad you feel this way. My mother moves in with us tomorrow.”

Almost last words

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

Last words

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

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