Main Street, by Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher.

Roger Allen, publisher.


Two new things I’m thankful for this year: 1) I personally don’t have to make the tough decisions about the war in Afghanistan; 2) The president who must make those decisions is weighing all the pros and cons carefully, gathering information and insight from the experts.


President Obama faces a classic example of the thankless task. If we withdraw, the warlords and tribal chiefs will likely put the Afghan people under their thumbs. And the president’s political enemies will surely scream, “Cut and run!”

But many across the political spectrum have noted that our dilemma in Afghanistan resembles the Vietnam war. There are places we shouldn’t be and causes we cannot win. Much as we might like to, America can’t protect the whole world.

Sixty years ago I served with the army in South Korea. We still have 10,000 troops there. Surely we don’t want to be in Afghanistan 60 years from now.

Free at last

One evening, a blonde went to a seafood restaurant for dinner. When she saw the tank where they kept the lobsters, she asked a waiter, “Why are those creatures in that tank?”

“They’re the lobsters we serve our customers,” answered the waiter.

“You mean you’re going to kill them?” asked the blonde.

“Absolutely,” said the waiter.

The blonde was so upset that she immediately left the restaurant. She drove to a nearby store, bought some strong bags, and returned to the restaurant to accomplish her covert mission. There she waited until the moment was right. She snatched all of the lobsters out of the tank, threw them in bags, and hightailed it out of the restaurant.

Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.


For her 41st birthday, a woman received, among other presents, an extravagantly expensive wrinkle-removing cream from her teenage daughter.

“Nice!” said a friend who was visiting. “And what did she give you last year?”

The mom’s reply without hesitation was: “The wrinkles.”


A grandfather was telling his little grandson what his own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”

The little boy was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last he said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

The same grandson was visiting one day and asked, “Grandpa, do you know how you and God are alike?”

The grandfather mentally polished his halo and said, “No, how are we alike?”

The child replied, “You’re both old.”

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