Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher— December 23, 2009

 

Roger Allen, publisher.

Roger Allen, publisher.

Merry Christmas!

This is the time of year we are filled with hope and joy. We are warmed by friends, family and neighbors. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could keep this feeling all year long? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had peace on earth? Let’s all hope and work for it.

Nagging problems

We will get a health care bill and then Congress will start working on what they did wrong. We can’t fix it, so we can forget it and enjoy the season.

We will get out of Afghanistan someday. People are working on it. We can’t fix it, so we might as well enjoy the holiday season.

Global warming is looming over us as the most serious risk to our way of life. We can take steps at home to help fix the problem. We can start now while we enjoy the season. Merry Christmas to all!

Mistaken identity

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year’s Eve party. We turned on a night light, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat scooted back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house, because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife went out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she told the driver I will be out soon, “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. “Sorry I took so long. That stupid thing was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her into the backyard!”

The cab driver hit a parked car!

Paid reunion

A man in Scotland calls his son in Edinburgh the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; thirty years of misery is enough.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “So you can call your sister in Aberdeen and tell her.”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “They’re not getting divorced,” she shouts. “I’ll take care of this.”

She calls home immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced! Don’t do a single thing until I get there. My brother and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Christmas—and they’re paying their own way.”

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