Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher

Joyous bells

Here it is a new year, and for a week the news media has bombarded us with reminders of the disastrous events of the past decade. Yes, there were some bad times, but let’s look on the bright side.

The economy seems to be recovering and we won’t have Great Depression II. It wasn’t as bad as 1929.

We will have some kind of national health care plan in place. It will help a lot of people and it’s improvable even if it’s not perfect now.

Medicine has made great strides in the past 100 years and the past 10 have seen enormous strides in medical technology. More is known about AIDS, and researchers have hopes of beating it. Chemotherapy has had major advances, with more cancer survivors to show for it. Of the new medications advertised on TV, some must be good.

Global warming (not noticeable locally this week) has come to the world’s attention. Steps to combat it have been taken in the past decade.

Nobody attacked anybody with a nuclear bomb for the whole 10 years.

(I’m cheered up already.)

Last but not least: The Enron bad guys and Bernie Madoff were thrown in jail for cheating people.

First joke of 2010

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the Chicken Surprise. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly. She briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

“Good grief, did you see that?” she says to

her husband.

He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. When he reaches for it, the lid rises. He sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down again.

Perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what’s happening, and asks for an explanation.

“Please, sir,” says the waiter, “what you order?”

“Chicken Surprise,” says the husband.

“Ah! So sorry,” says the waiter. “I bring you Peeking Duck!”

Useful information for 2010

• When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

• 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

• Red meat isn’t bad for you; fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

• • •

About Squire News

The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.
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