Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher — February 25, 2010

Sweeping the world

The Internet is sweeping the world, surrounding us, enveloping us, enlightening us. Although it has existed only a few years, it has infiltrated our lives. We look at it for news, weather, food; we buy and sell on it, date on it, send our letters on it.

Want siding, plumbing, gifts, books, a wife?

You can become hopelessly in debt without leaving your keyboard.

The 20th century brought us electricity, cars, radio, television and computers. Technology continues to sweep along and mankind follows, holding our cell phones.

Military time

The troops were home from WWII and a crusty Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be very serious. Is something bothering you?”

“Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.”

The young lady glanced at his awards and decorations and said, “Looks like you’ve seen a lot of action.”

“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”

“You know,” said the young lady, “you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you enjoyed female company?”

“About 1940, ma’am.”

“Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to relax and enjoy life a little.”

At that, the Marine seemed to thaw out. He grabbed the girl and kissed her. “Good heavens,” she said, “you sure didn’t forget much since 1940.”

The Sergeant Major replied in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not, ma’am, it’s only 2130 now.”

Kids on marriage

Alan, age 10: When you get married, you got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

Camille, age 9: Twenty-three is the best age to get married, because you’ve known the person FOREVER by then.

Ricky, age 10: Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

Kelvin, age 8: If people didn’t get married, there sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?

Bad memory

On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was… surrounded by trees and bushes.

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