Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher — March 4, 2010

Roger Allen, publisher.

 

Let’s see…

I think I have this right: The drug companies gave money to help our elected representatives get reelected. In gratitude, Congress voted to keep the government from bargaining with the drug companies over drug prices.

That worked, so they gave our elected representatives more money to keep things the same.

Then, insurance companies gave our elected representatives money to help with their reelections. In gratitude, Congress rejected “the public option,” which would have meant competition (and lower income) for the insurance companies.

Drug companies and insurance companies got their profits; Congress people got re-elected. It’s a win-win situation—except for us.

Out of reach

In 1938, the first issue of Action Comics, featuring Superman, was published. I was 10 years old and my allowance was 5¢ a week. The comic cost 10¢ and I never had two nickels to rub together. I sat on the floor in front of the magazine rack, reading for free until the shopkeeper chased me out.

Last week, one copy of that original comic was offered at auction. It went for one million dollars. It’s been 72 years and I still can’t afford it!

Saw this coming?

This blonde guy is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his backyard. He goes to a chainsaw shop. The dealer says, “Why don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model? This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day.”

So the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and getting only two cords, he decides to quit. “How can I cut for hours and only have two cords?”

The next morning, the man gets up at 4 a.m. and cuts and cuts and cuts till nightfall, and still he manages to cut only five cords. “The dealer told me I’d be able to cut one hundred cords of wood in a day. I’ll take this saw back,” the man says to himself.

The next day he brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man’s claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. “Hmm,” says the dealer, “it looks fine.” Then he starts the chainsaw, to which the man responds, “What’s that noise?”

Criminal element

• The thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

• The thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

• The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

• Police were called to a day care where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

Last words

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

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