Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher — March 11, 2010

Finally!

It looks like we may see a health insurance reform bill get through Congress. It won’t be what the President wanted, and not what the Republicans wanted. He wants reform; they seem to want nothing at all—except to please the insurance companies and make the President look ineffective. We’ll get the mangled version of several bills, one of which may run to 2,700 pages. No wonder we need lawyers to figure things out; they’re the ones who write this stuff.

Last week my health insurance company cancelled my policy and the next day the pharmacy said my prescription would cost $275. I think we need some kind of reform.

Nap time

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The homeowner could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed the lady into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and she let him out.

The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks. Curious, the lady pinned a note to his collar: “Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with four children—he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?”

Not on the sparrow?

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and placed it on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving farther along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had posted a note: “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

Top gun

Moses, Jesus and some old geezer were going to play a round of golf. Moses teed off and the ball went right into the pond. “No problem!” he said.

Moses walked over, parted the water, and hit the ball again. This time it landed about one foot from the hole.

Jesus then teed off and the ball went flying off to the left, hit a tree, then miraculously bounced to within six inches of the hole.

The old geezer stepped up and teed off. As the ball headed straight for the pond, a huge bass jumped up and grabbed the ball in its mouth. Suddenly an eagle swooped down, grabbed the bass and flew over the green. The bass dropped the ball and it rolled to within two inches of the hole. All of the sudden, a worm popped up and knocked the ball in—a hole in one!

Moses looked at Jesus and said, “You know, I really hate it when your dad plays.”

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