Main Street by Roger Allen, publisherro

The day is here!

In this country we have what’s called a “volunteer” system of tax collection. However, if you don’t volunteer, trouble lies ahead.

Roger Allen, publisher.

If you didn’t get to it yet, the IRS lets you send in an extension request (deadline, April 15) for filing your return. The catch is, your taxes must be paid in full, anyway.

If you’re reading this during the day on April 15, and you don’t have time to fill out your income tax forms today, and you know you’ll owe money, here’s what to do: quick, write a big enough check and dash down to the post office and get it in the mail to the IRS before midnight.

I know it’s a bit late to mention this. I feel bad that I didn’t start nagging you sooner.

Last wolverine?

“The Wolverine State,” that’s what we’re called. But that animal isn’t an official state symbol. We have a State Fossil (mastodon), and a State Reptile (turtle) and our State Mammal is the white-tailed deer.

We got the nickname “Wolverine State” because people thought there were a lot of wolverines here in the old days. The last wild wolverine in Michigan died a natural death over in the Thumb just a few days ago, the last one seen here in ages. (Wild wolverines can still be found in Canada and other sub-arctic areas.)

Now that our last wild example is gone, should we change our traditional state nickname? The Possum State? The Urban Deer State? The Old Rusty Car State? I’ll bet the readers can come up with better suggestions.

Editorial commentary

First guy: A couple years ago my cousin ran for state senator.

Second guy: What does he do now?

First guy:  Nothing. He got elected.

Best quotes

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”   Marion Barry (mayor, Washington, DC)

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”  Will Rogers (comedian)

“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.”  PJ O’Rourke (author and satirist)

Good lord

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here knows how to pray?”

One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.”

“Good,” said the captain. “You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We’re one short.”

Don’t forget

It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there’s also shipping and handling.

About Squire News 6221 Articles
The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.