Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher — July 15, 2010

Putting the blame

What’s wrong with the government anyway, getting our seasons all mixed up? Why didn’t Mr. Obama give us global warming last January when we wanted it? If the President were doing his job right, we’d get 15 or 20 degrees higher in the winter and maybe 10 lower in the summer. Governor Granholm deserves her share of the blame. I don’t think these expectations are unreasonable. 

Roger Allen, publisher.

Picnic

Don’t want to drive a long way for a picnic? Right here in Rockford and Cedar Springs, we have plenty of places close to home. Rockford has picnic facilities in Sowerby Park, Rotary Park, Trestle Park, and right downtown by the river. Cedar has Morley Park with picnic facilities. Gordon Park is just up the road to Sand Lake. There’s Riggle Park and North Park and the new Veteran’s Memorial Park on Main Street.

You could buy a take-out lunch and walk to some of these picnic spots. 

Perfect!

A woman was reporting her car as stolen and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone number and told the guy who answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet. The thief was arrested.

Don’t you love it? (Thanks, Michelle) 

Adult education

The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.

“Nothing much, Pastor,” replied one boy. “We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their love life.”

“Boys, boys, boys!” scolded the pastor. “I am shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex.”

In unison they all replied, “You win!” 

Pet care

If you want your doggie to have a clean coat that’s conditioned and smells good, you may try “Buddy Wash.” It’s a product to make your pet’s coat as nice as your own skin. And, best of all, “All Cloud Star products are never tested on animals.”

Gee, that’s great! Are they tested on humans? Wouldn’t this be a good time to just give it a try on a dog? Thanks to Consumer Reports for bringing this to our attention.

Career path

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry and howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

About Squire News

The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.
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