Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher — August 26, 2010

Done with oil

The Gulf spill is pretty well over, and so is our little spill in Michigan. Now we can get on with other things. The immigration fuss in Arizona seems to be on hold; we are moving out of Iraq. The pressing news now is Afghanistan and Pakistan. We really have no business fighting a guerilla war there. It’s almost impossible to win a war with guerillas. Remember Viet Nam? Or look at Northern Ireland. While mostly under control, there is still violence, The Basques are still fighting in France. 

It’s difficult to change the society of those countries to turn them into a democracy like ours. We should re-think the idea.

Congratulations Rockford

The City of Rockford is celebrating 75 years. Smith Latham had a sawmill on the river and Wolverine generated electricity. Now the dam and river are mostly scenic. A nice improvement! 

Two better than one

A blonde driving home after a football game, got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, “What are you doing?”

The first blonde told her how the repairman had told her to blow into the tailpipe to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, …

“HELLLLO” “You need to roll up the windows” 

Classical insults

The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:

She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”

He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”  – Clarence Darrow

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second….if there is one.” –  Winston Churchill replied.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial” – Irvin S. Cobb

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

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