Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher — September 30, 2010

Are my seams straight?


Roger Allen, publisher.

Getting old has a bad rap. Baldness, bad health, indigestion, and achy joints: that’s the picture. I’m experienced in the old-age department and I know those things are part of it. But another bummer is under-appreciated: the older you get, the harder it is to find people who catch on to what you’re talking about.

FDR is one of my heroes, but I’m no admirer of LBJ. For younger folks: some U.S. presidents, but not all, have been tagged with their initials. Two from decades ago are Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Lyndon Baines Johnson. (How do you feel about JFK? Will we ever refer routinely to BHO?)

The storage space in my office is like Fibber McGee’s closet. For younger folks: “Fibber McGee and Molly” was a popular weekly radio program in the 1930s and ‘40s. During every episode, Fibber would say he needed something out of the closet. Molly would yell, “Don’t!” just as Fibber swung open the door. For the next 30 seconds we’d hear the crashing sounds of Fibber’s junk falling out onto the floor. (Hilarious.)

I see a run starting so I’d better cut my toenails. For younger folks: socks and stockings used to be part of the everyday uniform of every man and woman. It was a constant concern for women to keep their stockings un-snagged. A snag resulted in a vertical unraveling, called a “run,” regarded as unsightly. Knit fabrics (such as men’s socks) can still “run,” but nowadays we usually call any such damage a hole.

(Those stockings women wore had seams up the back, another constant concern. They tended to slip off to the right or left, prompting the previous
old question. 

Back to the Future

I watched the 1985 movie again and it illustrates how common knowledge changes constantly. (See above.) But I mention the movie mainly because it’s still really fun, 25 years later. (Recommended by me, 4 thumbs up.) That DeLorean car was the perfect vehicle to make Michael J. Fox’s name a household word and him a star.

Help line

Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”

This could be true

A woman who was removed from a jury for commenting about the ongoing case on Facebook has a longer writing task ahead: a five-page essay about the constitutional right to a fair trial.

Her response to the judge’s order: “Can I just get the answer from Wikipedia and send it to the inbox on your Facebook page instead?”

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