Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher — October 21, 2010

Advertising pays!

 

Roger Allen, publisher.

TV’s current flood of campaign ads proves we’ll get the best politicians money can buy. This year’s Supreme Court ruling changed the game: corporations are now free to support candidates with unlimited infusions of money. It doesn’t take Einstein’s brain to figure out that big business’ preferred candidates are likely to be those who promise the most to big business. Unions can do it, too, but unions are financial pikers compared with giant corporations.

Am I the only one who believes that this direct connection between spending money and winning elections is NOT what our founding fathers had in mind? 

Good save

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a hulking, heavy, strong, mean-looking guy plops down in the seat next to him. The huge man glares threateningly at his neighbor, crowds the little guy so much that he’s flattened against the window, and immediately falls asleep.

After the plane takes off, the little guy starts to feel a little air sick, but he’s afraid to awaken the big guy to ask if he can go to the bathroom. After a few attempts, he realizes that he can’t climb over him, either. So the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly the plane hits an air pocket. An uncontrollable wave of nausea passes over the little fellow. He just can’t hold it in any longer and upchucks all over the big guy’s chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

“So,” the little guy says brightly, “are you feeling better now?” 

Probable cause

The light turned yellow just in front of the man. He did the right thing: stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious. She honked her horn and screamed obscene comments at the man in frustration over missing her chance to get through the intersection.

Still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. The woman was escorted back to the booking desk, where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so, naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car.”

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