Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher — November 4, 2010

Pretty scary

The scary election commercials are over and now we’re back to the regular dumb TV commercials. That’s the good news.

Despite new people in office, nothing much will change. That’s the bad news.

Roger Allen, publisher.

Subprime Court

I agree with Richard Jackson Jr. (Rockford) that we don’t need big corporations promoting candidates with huge sums. The Supreme Court ought to review its ruling.

Good one

A good joke bears repeating:

Harry had lived his life as a miser and squirreled away all his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, “I want you to put all my money in the casket with me.”

Despite his flaws, his wife loved him. She promised, with all her heart, that she’d do it.

Well, he died.

At the funeral, just before the undertakers closed the casket, the wife said, “Wait a moment!”

She took a small metal box out of her purse and put it in the casket. The undertakers locked the lid and rolled it away.

Her best friend whispered, “Girl, I know you weren’t foolish enough to put all that money in there.”

“Listen, I’m a Christian,” said the wife. “I can’t go back on my word. I promised him I’d put the money in the casket.”

Aghast, her friend said, “You mean to tell me you did put that money in the casket with him?”

“I certainly did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it in my account, and wrote him a check.” 

Reports from marriages

1. I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.

2. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. Well, we take time to go to a nice restaurant twice a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. 

Reports from grandparents

1. My little granddaughter was diligently pounding away on my computer. She told me she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” I asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

2. I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I’d point out something and ask what color it was. She’d tell me, and she was always right. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

3. When my grandson and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Kyle whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”

Last words

“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

About Squire News
The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.

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