Main Street by Roger Allen, publisher — November 11, 2010

All together now…

…Happy days are here again… The skies above are clear again…

The election is over. As you may have heard, the Republicans pretty much swept the field. Soon everyone in Michigan will have a job.

Roger Allen, publisher.

Taxes? We’ll just keep a few puny taxes for wars and border patrols. The deficit? It will vanish.

And, best of all, we’ll keep government out of the health insurance business! (I assume that means Medicare, too, which is (ick!) government health insurance for the elderly.) Who says we need old people?

There may be a small downside. Cutting back on prisons means the inmates will be out on the streets. If you don’t own a gun, get one, and keep it by your bed. With no more Social Security, the old folks get to sleep on their kids’ couches like they were meant to do. (Built-in baby-sitters. What’s not to like?) Police cutbacks means there won’t be enough of them to give speeding tickets, so we can let ‘er rip!

We average citizens will be pretty much on our own, but that’s good.

However, here’s an e-mail I got on Nov. 3 from another point of view:

“The corporate types must be dancing on those big tables in the boardrooms of America. Voters have said: Down with Government! Keep it just big enough to wage wars and man the border barricades. Down with regulations, too, except for controlling the lives of women and gays. … Up with big Corporations, those de-regulated folks who brought us our Wall Street losses, our bank corruption, our real estate meltdown and our job crisis (because making it cheaper in the third world is Good For Business).”

A tip of the hat

The City has been doing a great job keeping the streets cleaned up. The leaf truck went by the other day and sucked the street clean. Great job. I hope the drive for cheaper government doesn’t take away this service.

Bad save

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man cried, “My wife is drowning and I can’t swim. Please save her. I’ll give you a hundred dollars!”

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, “Okay, where’s my hundred?”

The man said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.”

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, “Just my luck. How much do I owe you?”

Last words

Do you know why the Mafia doesn’t like Jehovah’s Witnesses? Because they don’t like ANY witnesses.

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