MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher — November 18, 2010

Taken for granted

So many little things. Like safety razors. I seldom draw blood. What was it like when we had only straight razors? I’d be afraid of those. And, did women shave their legs before safety razors? It was only in 1904 that King Gillette patented his razor. Before that, what a way to start the morning!

Roger Allen, publisher.

Gravity! We take it for granted, but how would you pour morning coffee without it? Think about it. The coffee pot wouldn’t stay put (and neither would you); you couldn’t put coffee in the pot. And then your cup would float away. And all this would happen when you have NO caffeine circulating in your veins. 

Making a living

An investment advisor went out on her own. As business kept coming in, she realized she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

“I’m sure you understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “that in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?”

“Honest?” he replied. “Let me tell you about honest. My father lent me $25,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I won my very first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?” asked the investment advisor.

The lawyer looked her square in the eye. “He sued me for the money.”

“Hired!”

Not making a living

Fred, at Independent Bank, told me the story of a lady who opened a hair salon but couldn’t seem to attract customers. Unfortunately, she went out of business. She had named her place, “Curl Up and Dye.” (I wish she’d asked me first.)

Making a newspaper

While many other newspapers are in the doldrums, the Squire is planning to expand. While keeping our print edition, we’re working on details of an “e-edition” as well. It will be the entire weekly paper available online or on handheld devices.

We’d like to offer it first to subscribers (at a reduced price). These are mainly out-of-towners who get the Squire mailed to them. It will also be available locally for those who want it. Format of the Squire e-edition will be much the same as that offered by the Grand Rapids Press.

Making offerings

A hat was passed through the church to take up an offering for the visiting minister.

Presently it was returned to him… embarrassingly empty.

The parson inverted the hat and shook it meaningfully. Then, raising his eyes heavenward, he prayed, “I thank you, Lord, that I got my hat back from this congregation.”

Last words

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas.

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