MAIN STREET — by Roger Allen, publisher — December 2, 2010

Is it just me?


Roger Allen, publisher.

Does time go faster, or seem to, when you get old? I’m raising my hand here. Yup, time sure flies.

I just heard a radio talk by a woman whose grandmother had lived entirely off the products of her family farm, with all homegrown foods. Closer to home, Courtland Township did not have electricity until 1937. That’s all within living memory.

The editor of this paper is a good illustration of the time flies phenomenon, and she’s not very old. She was brought up on a farm, killed chickens, helped butcher a pig, enjoyed a fridge full of fresh milk from our cow and made butter from that milk. She took care of her horses: fed them, cleaned up, checked their feet. She runs this paper, which is created on a computer, but she still remembers how to milk a cow.

Fast forward: Her kids would be lost without Twitter and Facebook and may never have ridden a horse.

Monday was “Cyber Monday,” a shopping spree of online buying. Some estimates put sales for that day alone at $1 billion.

Nope, it’s not just me. Technology is riding Change, spurring it on without a buggy whip. Where will we be in 20 years? I’d love to be here to see, even though I’m breathless from all this speed. 

Priority story

A group of friends went out deer hunting and separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a huge buck.

“Where’s Harry?” asked the others.

“He fainted a couple miles up the trail,” came the answer.

“What? You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?”

“It was a tough decision,” said the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Harry.” 

Problem-solved story

The construction boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed, the boss came back and said an error had been made and the hole wouldn’t be needed.

“Fill ‘er up,” he ordered.

The worker did as told, but ran into a problem. He couldn’t get all the dirt packed back into the hole. A mound remained on top. He explained the situation at the construction office.

The boss snorted. “Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There’s obviously only one thing to do. Go back and dig that hole deeper!” 

Wisdom stuff

A friend writes: I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but here are some things I’ve observed in my life and gladly pass along to you:

• If you try to fail, but succeed, which have you done?

• Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

• Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. 

Last words, almost

A fat girl served me food in McDonald’s at lunchtime. She said, “Sorry about the wait.”

I said “Don’t worry, Chubby, you’re bound to lose it eventually.” 

Last words

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

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The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.