MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher — April 28, 2011

Dear Mr. President

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

Glad you are looking into the price of gas. But it won’t help. Oil is produced and sold worldwide and we in America have no real control over the price. If you uncover some fraud contributing to high prices at the pump, good detective work. But I doubt it will make a big difference. American business $henanigans seem to go unpunished much of the time.

What we really need, instead of the yellow/orange/red National Security Warning, is a Gas Price Warning. Put some of our expensive Intelligence people on the job to give us a day’s warning when the price of gas is about to go up 20 or 30 cents a gallon. That would really be news we can use.

Libyan standoff

As citizens of a country born in revolution, we Americans tend to sympathize with the protesters demanding change in the Middle East. In Libya, protesters are having a tough time because the guy with the guns has the power. Maybe we should offer our military might to the protesters in exchange for free oil for 10 years.

Regular words

The term “O.K.” originated as an abbreviation of “oll korrekt,” a humor-intended misspelling of “all correct.” This kind of folksy fun became big in the U.S. in the 1830s. The oldest written references result from its use as a slogan by the Democratic Party during the 1840 American presidential election. The party’s candidate, Martin Van Buren, was nicknamed “Old Kinderhook,” and his supporters formed the “OK Club.” This undoubtedly helped to popularize the term.

And how about “Good-bye”? The word started out as slang for “God be with you.”

This bit is brought to you as an educational offering. I looked them up. Now you, too, know about two well-used words we’ve heard and said every day with no idea of where they come from.




Sam: Dad, would you do my math homework for me?

Dad: No, son, it wouldn’t be right.

Sam: Well, at least you could try.

Sure cure

A guy goes to his psychiatrist, who says to him, “I’ve come to the conclusion you’re a kleptomaniac.”

The patient is a little taken aback by the diagnosis but responds rather promptly, “Is there anything I can take for it?”

Good trip

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.”

Eventually the topics moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?”

”Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied.

“Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another rancher asked.

Roy pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”


About Squire News
The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.

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