MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

Get smart

Public pressure on Washington finally did the trick. Members of Congress faced reality. In other words, they got nervous that they wouldn’t be re-elected next time if they didn’t shape up and pass the debt bill. So, the immediate crisis is put to rest, although a true resolution has been put off.

Our government still spends more than its income. Much of it consists of unavoidable obligation—interest on government bonds and other debt, for example. But our government’s optional spending calls for close inspection. We the people must decide what we really want, and elect accordingly. Surely we’re able to see past sleazy political rhetoric. Our choices may involve the dreaded taxation for somebody, but there are governmental programs that are worth it. Let’s get smart.

Not so smart

Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy’s checkbook, Mike made a deal with her: he would look at it, but only after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape.

The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, Cindy said proudly, “I’ve done it! I made it balance!”

Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. “Let’s see—mortgage, $550, electricity, $70.50, phone, $35.” His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. “It says here, ESP, $615. What the heck is that?”

“Oh, that,” she said. “It means, Error Some Place.”

That smarts

His wife has been missing a week now. Police told him to prepare for the worst. So he’s gone to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.

Smart comeback

A wife says to her husband, “You’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back.”

He says, “What do you expect? You’re in a wheel chair.”

Smart aleck

For three days all I heard from my Texas visitor was stuff like, “In Texas we have the best this, the largest that, the fastest something else,” etc. It became annoying.

Being from Niagara Falls, I thought I could outdo him by showing him the Mighty Niagara, knowing nothing in Texas could compare to this wonder.

While standing at the brink watching millions of gallons of water rushing over, I noticed the look of awe in his eyes. It was then I asked him, “Do you have anything like this in Texas?”

He waited a moment before he answered, “No, but we have a plumber who could fix it.”

About Squire News

The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.
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