MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

Zap on!

The Republican nomination wrestle is turning out to be more fun than I expected. What a sight. All eight candidates are dancing around for a better position. While energetically looking for dirt on the others, each tries to deflect attention away from his (or her) own personal shortcomings.

Yes, it’s tacky, even discouraging, but we might as well enjoy it if we can. When the GOP has chosen its candidate, the REAL mud slinging will start. I could do without it and will keep my TV remote in hand. You?

Meanwhile, have a nice Thanksgiving!

Long joke

A contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” had reached the final question. If she answered it correctly, she’d win $1 million. If not, she’d pocket only the $32,000 milestone money. Naturally, the $1 million question wasn’t easy: “Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor, B) the buzzard, C) the cuckoo, or D) the vulture?”

The woman was on the spot. She didn’t know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The woman had hoped she wouldn’t have to use it because her friend was, well, a blond. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blond responded unhesitatingly: “That’s easy. The answer is C, the cuckoo.”

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one her friend had given her. Considering that her friend was blond, that seemed like the logical move. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certainty…

Crossing her fingers, the woman said,

“C, the cuckoo.”

In joy, she heard the host’s response “That answer is… absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!”

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win. “Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you!” said the woman. “How did you happen to know the right answer?”

“Oh, come on,” said the blonde. “Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.”

Short joke

Returning to West Point late one night, Colonel Schultz and his wife were challenged by the sentry at the gate.

“Halt and identify yourself!”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” declared the startled woman.

The sentry stepped aside. “Advance, Holy Family, to be recognized.”

Final words

Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.

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