MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

Happy New Year!

I intend that to mean for the whole year, not just January 1. May 2012 be a year of blessings for all of us.

Our first day of the year is related to the Gregorian calendar, named after Pope Gregory. If you don’t like this one, the Julian calendar places New Year’s Day on January 14. Throughout the world people observe other dates, mostly related to religion. Pope Gregory picked this date based on Jesus’ birth on December 25 and baptism on January 1. It could get complicated.

I think Adam and Eve celebrated because they saw the days getting longer and the sun coming back.

Antique story

A little boy opened the big family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages, one after another. As he turned them, something fell out. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages.

“Mom, look what I found!” he called out.

“What do you have there, dear?” his mother asked.

With excitement the boy exclaimed, “It’s Adam’s suit!”

Church story

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.

Finally his big sister had had enough and gave him the elbow. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church!”

“Why? Who’s going to stop me?’ Joel answered.

Angie pointed to the back of the church. “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers!”

Sew-sew story

A pretty girl stepped up to the fabric counter and said, “I’d like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”

“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the young male clerk.

“Fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”

Smirking, the clerk measured out the cloth and wrapped it. Then he held it out teasingly.

The girl smiled, took the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, and said, “Grandpa, pay the man.”

Deer Tick Warning

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, but this one is real, and it’s important. So, please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list:

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT! IT IS A SCAM. They only want to see you naked.

I wish I’d gotten this information yesterday. I feel so stupid now.

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