MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher

Seriously looking ahead

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

Republican infighting can be either entertaining or depressing. However, retired people remain especially aware that the President and the Congress we elect this year will deal with Social Security.

Our Social Security program was enacted about 77 years ago. Few are left to remember how financially grim getting old used to be for most people.

Essentially, the Social Security Act required enforced retirement savings. Most Americans don’t get rich by a lifetime of working and don’t save a lot of money otherwise.

For 2011, Congress cut individual payroll taxes from 6.2% to 4.2% in order to beef up the spending power of working people. The cost of government didn’t get reduced, however; unfortunately, Congress let the Social Security Trust Fund absorb the shortfall.

A great country like ours should not need “poor farms” for the destitute elderly. Let’s hope that when YOU arrive at age 67, the Social Security Trust Fund will be there. The Congress we elect must have the guts to raise the money to restore the Fund.

Social Security is one of the best programs our government ever embarked upon. But, personally, I don’t take it for granted.

They grow up so fast

Two storks were sitting in their nest—father and baby. The little one was crying.

“Don’t worry, son,” said the dad. “Your mother will be back soon. She’s out delivering brand-new babies.”

The next night, it was the mothers turn to do the job. Again the baby stork was crying.

“Son,” said mom stork, “your father will be back soon, but right now he’s out bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later the parent storks were alarmed: Sonny had been gone from the nest all night. Shortly before dawn, however, he returned.

“Where,” demanded the parents, “have you been?”

“No where much,” said the youngster. “Just scaring the heck out of college students.”

Turkey story

From a contributor:

One year my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional Christmas feast. My sister tends to be quite gullible and my mom decided to play a trick. She sent my sister to the drugstore on some kind of errand. In her absence, Mom took the turkey out of the oven, spooned out the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen and inserted it into the turkey, and then re-stuffed the turkey. She placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister put the turkey on a platter and prepared to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something solid, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Margie, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!”

At this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family quite a while to remind her that turkeys lay eggs. (Yes, Margie is a blonde.)

A question

Why is it that you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when it’s against the law to drink and drive?

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