MAIN STREET — by Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

Too many?

Although Western societies and China have cut back the average number of children per couple, other parts of the world overflow with babies.

The growth of world population is astounding. In 10,000 B.C. there were about one million of us. By 1900 we were up to one-and-a-half billion. Then, at year 2000, our number was at six billion.

The United States Census Bureau estimates that world population exceeded SEVEN BILLION on March 12, 2012. According to a separate estimate by the United Nations Population Fund, it reached that milestone on October 31, 2011.

Human beings are using up the world at a tremendous rate. Much of the world is hungry. Global pollution isn’t under control. We are running out of clean water. Disease, starvation and war create misery but not a net decrease in population.

The news is full of wars, protests, killings and revolutions. If it is part of the human condition that we can’t get along with each other, then this adds to an obvious truth: We humans have used Mother Nature’s gift of reproduction to excess.

Arithmetic joke

Tom was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. “If you had ten dollars,” said the teacher, “and I ask you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?”

“Ten,” said Tom.

“Ten?” the teacher said. “How do you make it ten?”

“Well,” replied Tom, “you may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get it.”

This week’s lawyer

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to his neighbor. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

So the butcher called him and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”

The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?”

“$7.98.”

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150.

This week’s doctor

Three doctors are in a duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks up and says, “Looks like a duck, flies like a duck… it’s probably a duck.” He shoots at it but misses.

Another bird flies overhead and the pathologist looks up, then leafs through the pages of his bird field guide. “Hmmm… green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound… it might be a duck.” He raises his gun to shoot, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, turns to the pathologist and says, “Go see if that was a duck.”

This week’s blond

I’m sorry; I didn’t run into any blonds this week. But I did overhear a girl in a hat say to her friend, “If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”

About Squire News
The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.

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