MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher

Truth

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

The side with the most arrows and the best horses wins the war. Nope, wrong century.

New truth: The side with the most guns wins the war.

Better truth: being smart about resolving conflict can avoid the gun solution. The gun solution seems to feed on itself and, more often than not, leads to more unnecessary conflict.

Another new truth: The politician with the most money wins the election. We need to remember this when we vote for our representatives in Congress. Every poll shows they’re currently WAY down on Americans’ approval list.

Sad truth: We elected all of them.

Hopeful truth: In a democracy, voters must GET INFORMED and STAY INFORMED. Leaving the TV on one station all the time? Not enough. We need to expose ourselves to real information, and a variety of it.

Politicians lie to us and they pay others to lie to us. They want to warp our opinions. Let’s prove we aren’t pushovers.

More crooks

Thieves robbed a bank. The chief of police ordered his sergeant to cover all exit points so that none of the robbers could get away.

When the sergeant reported back that all the robbers had escaped, the chief went mad with anger. Pounding on the desk, he yelled, “Didn’t I tell you to cover all the exit points?”

“I did,” defended the sergeant, “but they managed to escape through the entrance.”

And another one

The bank manager was down to two final applicants, one of whom would get the job as cashier.

The first was from a small college in upstate New York. He was a nice young fellow but a bit timid. His interview went okay, but it was nothing special.

Then the bank manager called for the other man: “Jim Johnson!”

Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. “He looks like he can take care of any situation,” thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.

Turning to the first applicant, the manager said he could leave and they would let him know.

Turning to Johnson, he said, “Now, Jim, I like the way you carry yourself. That’s an asset for the job as cashier. However, you must also be precise. I noticed you didn’t fill out the part on the application where we asked about your formal education.”

Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, “Where did you get your financial training?”

“Oh,” replied Jim, “Yale.”

“Excellent,” said the manager. “You’re hired! Now that you’re working for us, what do you prefer to be called?”

Jim replied, “I don’t care. Either Yim or Mr. Yonson.”

We found those blondes

Three blondes took a walk in the country and came upon a line of tracks. “Those must be deer tracks,” said the first one.

“No, stupid,” said the second. “Anyone can tell they’re rabbit tracks.”

The third blonde chimed in, “No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!”

They were still arguing ten minutes later when the train hit them.

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