MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

Curious minds

We’ve all learned a good deal about the Islamic religion in the past 10 years. Before 9/11, most of us had no idea it came in two flavors, Sunnis and Shiites. But curious minds want to know: why don’t the two denominations get along?

So I looked it up.

It goes back to Mohammed’s death in the year 632. A dispute arose about his successor. Those now called Sunnis wanted to seek out the best among them and elect a new leader. Those now called Shiites were sure Mohammed’s spiritual charisma went through his bloodline and looked only to his blood relations and disciples.

Such a simple difference of opinion. And, here in the twenty-first century, the body count goes on and on and on.

Marriage and education

Marriage first.

1)            The heat wave was making everyone a bit cranky.

“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack complained as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money.”

2)            Lawyer: Are you married?

Witness: Nope, I’m divorced.

Lawyer: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?

Witness: A lot of things I didn’t know about.

Now education.

1)            A linguistics professor was discussing some of the particular usages in the English language. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

2)            Meanwhile, in the seventh grade, the teacher drones away when he notices a student fast asleep in the back row. The teacher calls to the young man next to the sleeping student, “George, please wake up your neighbor!”

George calls back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”

Art department

Spanish painter Pablo Picasso encountered a thief in his house. The intruder got away. When the police were called, Picasso offered to do a rough sketch of what the thief looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a nun, a parliament minister, a refrigerator, and the Eiffel tower.

About Squire News
The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.

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