MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

Had enough?

The election campaign seems to have gone on for several years. We’ve seen and heard the same malarkey over and over in the ads. Taking words out of context and making a phony fuss about them seems to be the strategy of choice. Checking the calendar: only three more months to go. I’ve had enough. You?

The prediction business

We need a better Ground Hog. I can’t remember what he said about an early spring but I remember we got one. (It was about two months early.) He never gives us advance information about summer, like VERY hot and almost no rain.

I must say, the National Weather Service isn’t any better.

There’s an old legend that furry caterpillars (woolly bears) predict a cold winter.  Check out the Farmers Almanac for lots of tips and news of the Woolly Bear Festival in Ohio. Supposed to be 100,000-plus attending that one.

Travel tip

Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up when you’re traveling. The phone rings, it’s loud, and you can’t turn it down.

That’s why I leave the number of the room next to me.

The ring on the other side of the wall sounds nice and quiet, and soon you hear a guy yell, “Why are you calling me?”

Then you get up and take a shower. It’s great.

Pop quiz

Q:  You’re a bus driver. At the first stop four people get on. At the second stop eight people on, at the third stop two people off, at the fourth stop everyone gets off. The question is, what color are the bus driver’s eyes?

A:  The same as yours. You’re the bus driver.

And no back talk!


On his first day at the new school, a headmaster was making rounds when he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. Marching in, he spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making most of the noise. So he seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused.

Returning to the classroom, the headmaster restored order and lectured the class for ten minutes on good behavior.

“Now,” he concluded, “any questions?”

One girl stood up timidly and said: “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”

“Of course. Where is your teacher?”

“He’s in the hall, sir.”

Additional joke

At work one day a guy notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about the sudden change in his fashion sense.

“I didn’t know you were into earrings,” he says.

“Don’t make a big deal of it, it’s only an earring,” the co-worker replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him. “So, how long have you been wearing the earring?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my car.”

(I always wondered how this trend got started.)

About Squire News 6222 Articles
The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.

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