MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

Why I love my town

Reason #129:  Most of us, we see the flashing lights go by with mild curiosity. Last week I had occasion to dial 9-1-1. All day I’d had a little trouble breathing, and at bedtime I didn’t want to bother anybody, but I was nervous.

Within minutes, Officer Dave Jehnzen was at my door with oxygen and EMS supplies. Minutes later the Rockford Ambulance arrived with more equipment. My neighbors, Ken and Nancy Platt, came in. They all convinced me to go to St. Mary’s Emergency Room. So I took the bumpy ride in and got immediate and effective treatment. After a couple of hours they let me go. Ken had come to the hospital and he drove me home.

This was my first experience with emergency service and I was impressed. Rockford police are cross-trained, as is the fire department in Cedar Springs (which did almost 700 medical calls last year.) The ambulance service is near all of us. I’m glad I live in an area where prompt emergency help is available even when we don’t think we’ll need it.

Wonderful neighbors are frosting on the cake.

Trouble brewing

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, “You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

The husband said, “You’re in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it because that’s your job. I can just wait for my coffee.”

Wife replied, “No, you should do it. It’s in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

Husband replied, “I can’t believe that, show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, opened to the New Testament and showed him the words at the top of several page that, indeed, said: “HEBREWS.”


Sandra was holidaying in Thailand when she saw a native wearing a beautiful white necklace. Admiring it, she asked the Thai, “What is it made of?”

“Crocodile’s teeth,” the Thai replied.

With an air of superiority, Sandra observed, “I suppose they mean as much to you as pearls do to us in the West.”

“Oh, no,” the native objected. “Anybody can open an oyster.”


From a friend: Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it’s biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails. “Great idea, Honey,” he smiled. “You can eat them straight out of the box.”

Words of wisdom

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

About Squire News
The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships. The Squire is distributed through the U.S. Post Office every Thursday. We also deliver to in-town businesses and homes with paper carriers and news stands in our grocery stores and over thirty local shops.

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