Main Street

Roger Allen, publisher. “Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World”

General confusion

It’s risky these days to turn on the radio or the TV. I’d like to avoid getting any more information about Tampa’s social life.


Speaking of generals

Although I was in the army for two years, I never met a general. Never even saw one. Maybe it’s because I was only Private R. Allen, just out of high school.

My military service was a crash course that took me from boyhood to manhood. Much of it was spent in Korea. At this point it’s probably safe to confess something about all those nights when I stood guard duty over there: Sure, I carried a gun and knew how to use it. But, every night, I was alone; every night, it was dark. And, every night -I was scared.

Although I never met a general, I did know two admirals. My Uncle Jim and my Uncle Mark both went to Annapolis and were career Navy. One time when I was a kid, Uncle Jim brought me back a little model Chinese junk boat. I still have it. Neither uncle seemed like the type to be sought after by social climbers. But I guess we’ve all learned – you never know.


Speaking of generals #2

General Petraeus seems to be in a lot of hot water. The CIA says there were no government secrets passed on in all those e-mails, so what’s all the fuss about?  Nonetheless, a lot of Americans think that what Petraeus did after his secret came out was the right thing to do. He admitted to the affair and resigned his job because of it. (Granted, it was a very special kind of job.)

The news media has revealed more about Washington goings on than I really want to know. Now I’m starting to suspect that many, many congressmen, senators, and military brass have had flaming affairs.  If all of them resigned, I’ll bet there would be tons of openings in the job market.


Inside joke

Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, an Army husband called to tell his wife that he’d be late getting home – again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon’s quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad.

The wife launched into a tirade. She knew that many men had girly pictures hanging in their quarters at the previous post, so his new platoon shouldn’t be penalized for something so trivial!

The husband calmly listened to her gripes and then explained, “Dirty magazines: the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned.”


Political commentary

1) A politician is a person whose politics you don’t agree with. If you do agree, he’s a statesman.

2) Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.


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