Valley View Elementary Brainstormers!

March 26, 2015 // 0 Comments

Valley View Elementary recently held a two part assembly series put on by the Brainstormers! LLC. The Brainstormers have been working for 22 years to motivate, empower and encourage kids to be creative, both “on the page and on the stage.” The first show called The Takeoff show took place in January, and its purpose was to motivate the students to produce creative writing pieces and to, in essence, become young authors. Following the show, teachers at Valley View had their students create stories, which were then submitted to the Brainstormers! The hysterical and  quirky performers from the assembly company selected 10 of the stories from the students and brought them to life on the stage on March 17th to an audience of students and staff dressed in green. The young authors, whose creative writing pieces were chosen, were brought to the Awesome Authors chair at the front of the gymnasium and were interviewed. The were able to sit in the chair of honor and see their story brought to life. Some of the stories were based on real life events and others involved aliens invading a friend’s house and SpongeBob climbing to the top of Spaghetti Mountain. Many of the kindergarten through fifth graders were also given the opportunity to use their acting and improvisational skills while playing supporting roles in each of the skits. According to many of the teachers and staff, the assembly was thought to be one of the best in years, and they all appreciated the motivational effect it had on the authors and all of the Valley View students. A large portion of the assembly was funded by a grant from the Michigan Humanities Council and the Michigan Council for the Arts and Cultural Affairs through their Michigan Arts and Humanities Touring Program.

EXPO says, ‘You are going to Mexico. For free.’ And you will win $500 in cash

March 18, 2015 // 0 Comments

By BETH ALTENA   The EXPO doesn’t lie. It just doesn’t know who it is talking to. According to Rockford Chamber of Commerce Executive Director Linda Southwick, it is guaranteed, for sure, absolutely going to happen that one lucky person will win an all-expenses paid two person trip to Mexico paid for by the Chamber from Antor Travel and Apple Vacations. Plus, four people will win $500 in cash. Plus, if you aren’t one of those fortunate five, you are guaranteed not to leave empty-handed. Hundreds of booths will be staffed by many hundreds of friendly people who work and live right here in West Michigan, all happy to offer some sort of goodie—a tree seedling, candy, pen, awesome drawings, such as free trips, free services, games with prizes, samples and of course, once again A Taste of Rockford with Flo’s, Uccello’s and Candlestone Inn offering delicious tastes from their kitchens for tickets which sell for a dollar each. The eleventh annual Rockford Community EXPO is slated for Saturday, March 21 from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. at Rockford High School. Amazing, you think. What does it cost to get into this wonderous event? It’s free. The best thing about the annual EXPO, besides all the great people to see and things to do, is that each EXPO is different and you never know what might be happening. Absolutely you will see Rockford’s fine public safety officers and there are always other local law enforcement members with stickers for the kids and a talking, lively mascot. At the first one a pair of local businessmen teamed up to try to beat the Guinness Book of World Records by grilling the largest every burger. Entertainment is all day and top quality. Local celebrities MC the event from beginning to end. This year’s line-up is Andy Rent, Chuck LaTour, Michelle DeSelms and Juliet Dragos. Rockford students will perform for you from the stage in the gymnasium, ending with the Rockford High School Jazz Band. This year again there will be a dozen and one selling booths, where visitors can buy products, goods or services, including the Rockford Lions taking orders for hams. The wide range of service and product providers will highlight what a talented and diverse […]

MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher

April 7, 2011 // 0 Comments

Humor Banquet The Annual Humor Banquet was held last Saturday at noon in front of the Corner Bar. The weather was cool with light rain, which held down the attendance. However, jokes were told and a good time was had by all. Rockford is the Humor Capital of the World! Governing I see the legislature has gotten rid of the law that all products on the shelf must have a price label. I look at those all the time and now they will be gone. I suspect prices will go up! I also see that the law makes it impossible for us to have a Referendum on the issue. If we don’t like the law, too bad. Letter to God I noticed that my dog had written some letters to God on my computer. “Dear God, is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?” “Dear God, when we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?” “Dear God, are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?” “Dear God, Let me give you a list of things I must remember to be a good dog: I will not eat the cat’s food before they eat it or after they throw it up. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like their smell. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is not an acceptable way of saying ‘Hello.’ The cat is not a ‘squeaky’ toy, so when I play with it and it makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing. P.S. Dear God, when I get to Heaven may I have all of my forgotten buried bones back?” The dog’s e-mail came back: “God does not accept e-mail, only prayers.” In charge A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house. The man stormed into the house and walked up to his […]

MAIN STREET by Roger Allen, publisher — February 17, 2011

February 17, 2011 // 0 Comments

Protest The offices were besieged by protesters when I suggested I might do less humor in this column and get a lot more serious. Protesters on both sides of the question slowed our work at the paper and interfered with production. Both of the citizens who opposed my suggestion said the world needed more smiles. The one in favor said there were indeed many problems I should address and was protesting against the other two. To resolve the issue we conducted a survey: • Forty-seven percent of those surveyed, when asked if Roger Allen’s column should be changed, replied, “Who?” • Fifty-three percent said, “What?” With no overwhelming majority, I will continue to look for good jokes and occasionally make a few serious comments. Speaking of Protest It paid off for the Egyptian people and may start a new trend. Our own country was founded with a protest nearly 250 years ago. The one in Egypt was remarkably peaceful. The world could use more of that. Starting right “If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart,” said the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.” “Good! What are we having for breakfast?” asked the new husband. “Toast and juice,” she replied. A few years later… Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. “Where’d we get him?” Johnny asked his mom. His mother, who recognized the wonderful gift of life as coming from God, answered, “He came from heaven.” Johnny replied, “Wow! I can see why they threw him out!” Many years later… “It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” complained the husband to his wife as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?” She replied, “Probably that I married you for your money.” Many, many years later… After putting her grandchildren to bed, the grandmother changed into her old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with […]

MAIN STREET — by Roger Allen, publisher

December 9, 2010 // 0 Comments

Santa Parade   The parade, as usual, was a big success. Cars filled every parking space for blocks around. Traffic was at a standstill. Grownups and kids were everywhere. I have to confess that I didn’t see it personally. I’m reporting this from hearsay because the weather was too cold for people of my maturity. Start of Summer is the parade for us. Promises, promises A long, furious and expensive political campaign is behind us and Congress has quit for the year. I don’t expect the new guys to meet all their promises. They’ll have lots of excuses for why important things can’t be done and why it’s somebody else’s fault. Order in the Court Next to politics, it seems like some of the best absurdist humor comes out of courtrooms. I didn’t want you to miss any of these samples: ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?” ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan.  ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis disease, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget… ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?  ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you kidding me? ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male. ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant […]

1 2 3 16